The Streak
by JoJo32074
Summary: Sephiroth loses a bet, and now he's running naked all over Midgar, with hilarious results. Rated T for language and frivolous nudity.


Hojo had just finished testing for an experiment and decided to sit down to take a breather. Just as he entered the break room on the science floor of Shinra, he noticed that it was empty, but the television in the room was off. He sat down on the sofa, grabbed the remote control from the coffee table, and turned on Midgar News at Noon.

"Good day everyone," said newscaster Dirk Dirkinson, a balding man with a toupee and a mustache who was probably the most well-known journalist in Midgar, but not for his journalism alone. It was the toupee. Yes, the toupee. Hojo spent most of the time snickering over that god awful hairpiece until a headline caught his ears:

"Eyewitnesses have been calling the newsroom reporting that a famous SOLDIER 1st class has been streaking through Sector 6. The streaker is described as pale, mako green eyes, and long silver hair down to his derriere- wait, we just got a PHS camera shot of the streaker from an eyewitness..."

The camera panned to the eyewitness photo, naughty parts blocked, of course. There he was, Sephiroth, running naked through a busy intersection in Sector 6.

"What makes people run naked through-oh..." Hojo asked himself why people would want to streak...then it gave him an idea.

"Sephiroth! We love you!"

The poor 1st class kept running, and he wasn't sure quite what for, other than to escape fangirls, many of them members of Silver Elite.

"Who in their right mind would make a fan club for me," he thought, still running from the hordes of crazed, horny women wanting a piece of him – a lock of hair, a kiss, whatever. It was bad enough that he had a reason to streak through Midgar. It was all thanks to a bet with Genesis Rhapsodos…

_"I bet you can't pyro face Angeal."_

_"Uh, look who you are talking to, Genesis. I definitely can."_

_"Well, if you pull it off, I will quit reciting LOVELESS for a week. If you don't, you have to streak through Midgar."_

_"Whatever, let's see if I can live up to the name of the Great Sephiroth."_

_"Guys," Angeal said, "Leave me out of this…please? This isn't very honorable, plus I'd like to keep my lovely face intact…"_

Even worse, that materia was very low level, only enough to light a cigarette, maybe a campfire or a fireplace. Sephiroth knew Genesis had switched his firaga material with a very low fire, he wouldn't use anything less than the highest level weapons, material, everything. He would never hear of it. And now, thanks to this screw job, he was naked as the day in Sector 6, and trying to keep his sanity and dignity – as if he had any left – intact.

"Shiva he actually did it! This is priceless!" Genesis could be heard laughing so hysterically that almost all the SOLDIER floor could hear it. This piqued the curiosity of Angeal, who came over just to see what was so darn funny.

"Genesis, what are you watch—oh, great," Angeal shook his head then glared at his best friend.

"Oh, Sephiroth you sucker…"

"Well I hope you're happy. Sephiroth is making a total ass of himself and what does that accomplish? Nothing. I'm going to call him and tell him just to get some clothes on for Shiva's sake. This has gone way too far."

Little did the two 1st class SOLDIERS know that Hojo was listening in for a few. The crazed scientist then snuck out…to conduct his own search for Sephiroth.

Sephiroth found a dark alley and hid. Many warned about going into alleys, but this was the Great Sephiroth, he could handle dangerous places and very well. He waited a while, until the fangirls passed by. Now, there was the other issue – how to sneak out of there and find a way to cover him up until he returned to the Shinra building and got dressed.

"Well, good to see you. I need your help on an experiment…"

"Hojo…shit!" Sephiroth murmured, and then he made a way out of that alley, quick. Professor Hojo followed quickly behind out of the alley and down the street, but eventually lost him and was looking for him, when a very familiar reporter from Midgar News accosted him.

"Good morning Professor Hojo, I'm Dirk Dirkinson with Midgar News may we interview you for a second?"

"Make it quick, Dick," Hojo snarled.

"Uhm, it's Dirk. Anyway, I presume you have heard about Sephiroth being found naked in sector 6. Your reaction?"

"WHERE IS HE? HE'S MY TEST SUBJECT! HE ESCAPED MY LAB!"

The professor then bolted. "Sephiiiirrrooootttthhhhh! Come back heeeerrrreeeee!"

"Angeal! Come on! I'm getting a kick out of this!"

"I don't think so, Genesis. I think it's time we find Sephiroth and get him inside…and for Bahamut's sake, clothes on the guy!"

"SEEEEPPPHHHIIIRRROOOTTTHHHH!" Hojo ran quickly in one direction, screaming Sephiroth's name.

"Whoa, Professor," Angeal said, "You're looking for him too?"

"I need him for an experiment! I had this great idea on what gets people off on running around naked…COME BAAACCCKKKK!" Hojo then ran off.

"Even the Professor is looking," Genesis said," THIS IS TOO FUNNY!" He then fell down laughing.

"Dammit, we need to find Sephiroth, and especially before Hojo gets to him," Angeal replied, pulling Genesis up brusquely, "Come on! We're going to find him before he does!"

Sephiroth was quickly running out of breath. He started to look for the nearest building to hide, and he found a back door in an alley. He rushed inside quickly, looked around, but stayed hidden.

_Good_, he thought_, I can at least cover up now. Dammit Genesis_… But there was just one problem.

Yes, there were clothes, but it was all...girls' and women's clothes. In fact, these weren't ordinary clothes for the fairer sex. They were fancy and frilly looking, with fancy hats and jewelry, and feather boas all around. If that was bad enough, most of the shoes had heels, some pretty high.

_Maybe if I put my hair up first of all…_ he found a box with bobby pins and ponytail elastics, hair pins and such. He then took care to secure his hair then hid it under a wide brimmed hat with a sunflower on it. He perused the closet with dresses, and found an adult sized one. He put that on, with some fishnet stockings, white gloves, chunky heels and a little jewelry. He saw the makeup box, and took it a step further...

_I can't believe I'm doing this…well if it means keeping fangirls and Hojo off my ass…_

It took some ocean blue eye shadow and magenta lipstick and rouge to make him look a little more convincing as a female. He started to make his way out of the dressing room and out the door when…

"Mommy! Thank you for throwing me this sweet birthday party! I get my own princess tea party! YAY!"

All of a sudden about half a dozen six year olds glomped Sephiroth!

"Come on Mommy! Let's go have some tea and peanut butter sandwiches!"

It hit him that he was at a children's clothing store – and this one did tea parties for children's' birthdays.

"Where the hell is he? Genesis I'm going to have a talk with you about honor when we get back to the SOLDIER floor."

"SEPHIROOOOTTTHHHHH I NEED YOU FOR AN EXPERIMEENNNNTTT!"

"And now the Great Sephiroth eludes us! Dirk Dirkinson, Midgar News…"

"MOMMY! I WANT SOME CAKE! AND PRESENTS!"

Sephiroth finally broke free from the young children and ran outside the store so fast, his hat flew off, showing off his silver hair.

"Sephiroth," Angeal said, "Boy do you make a pretty homely woman," He shook his head and cringed.

"He's in drag? YES!" Genesis whipped out the PHS, but was laughing so hard he couldn't hold it steady.

"Hello, Midgar News," Dirk said, "Breaking News! The Great Sephiroth is a transvestite!"

"Shut up! I am not!"

"WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MOMMY?" One of the girls then kicked him in the shin.

"Dammit…" Sephiroth bit his lip in pain, "Remind me not to reproduce,"

"Oh that will be the next experim—"Hojo said.

"NO!" Suddenly, standing in front of him was Reno.

"Hey sexy babe, want to grab some brews, then go to the No-Tell Motel in Wall Market?"

After that comment, the chase started over again.


End file.
